Why Every Family Needs a Designated Storyteller (And It Should Be You)
Stories are the heartbeat of family life.
But what exactly counts as a family story? And how do you learn to tell one? It's simpler than you might think.
It starts with a memory, a moment, or even just a feeling.
Technically, a story should have a beginning, a middle, an end, and some sort of central conflict or tension that pushes the story forward. Do you remember this from school? I have a vague memory.
Stories are more complete and in-depth than simple anecdotes or vignettes.
An anecdote might just recount an amusing incident. A vignette provides a brief, evocative description of a scene. But for the sake of simplicity, I'm including anecdotes and vignettes under the overall umbrella of "family story."
Author Elizabeth Stone agrees with me.
In her book Black Sheep and Kissing Cousins, she says that "Almost any bit of lore about a family member or experience qualifies as a family story — as long as it is significant and has worked its way into the family canon to be told and retold." (1)
What's a family canon?
It's the family's history, turned into stories and passed along from generation to generation. Often this is referred to as a family narrative as well. These terms are not completely synonymous, but they are kissing cousins.
I wanted to write some stories for my youngest granddaughter.
I picked up a book called Tell me a Story by Elaine Reese and read through the chapter on toddlers. Reese touches on a truth that’s easy to overlook until we pause to consider it. "It is nearly impossible to get through a single day as a parent without a story ... Stories large and small pervade our lives and the lives of our children." (2)
She encourages the idea of interactive stories.
I recently listened to my grandkids engage in a bit of spontaneous interactive storytelling. They were in the car when something spilled.
One of them said, "Remember when we went to the 7/11 on 7/11?"
Another added, "And then your Slurpee spilled all over the car!"
This sparked a new round of "Remember When's," bringing up memories of other spills. If you want to learn to tell stories, but you don't think you know how, look back at how often you have taken part in this type of banter.
It may take some time and attention to pinpoint material for the family canon and pass it along in a memorable fashion, but that's OK. You're well on your way! You've probably been practicing since you were young.
One of the things Reese mentions about interactive storytelling is that very small children may do best with stories about what happened recently—perhaps something that happened this morning or yesterday—and may benefit from gentle prompts to help them talk through these moments.
This video has a special example of a mother providing this type of guidance.
On a winter day in 1951 my aunt sat with her small daughter in the one-room house where they lived on the edge of my grandfather's property. If you listen, you'll hear her asking questions and eliciting answers, getting the tiny toddler to voice as much of the story as she can muster.
Just as Reese suggests, they are recounting a very recent memory, and my aunt is guiding my cousin, prompting her with questions, and helping her find words. It’s almost as if she was making a demo tape for Reese’s book, so I use the tape to walk through Reese’s entire list of suggestions for helping toddlers tell their first stories.
Family stories don’t have to be grand or complex -- they just need to be shared.
Start small, with everyday moments that already live in your memory. Tell them with warmth, humor, and heart. Over time, you’ll find that these simple stories grow into something much bigger—a family narrative that connects generations.
The simplest stories to start with are personal anecdotes or memories.
These are easy to think of. They don't require additional research. And personal experiences naturally follow a storytelling structure, making them easy to share.
Need some ideas? Start with:
A funny situation from childhood
Your favorite (or least favorite!) family vacation
How you met your best friend
A family tradition and how it got started
So why wait? Your stories are already there, woven into the fabric of everyday life. The only question is when you’ll start sharing them—and how they’ll grow in meaning with each retelling.
I'd love to know: what family story do you want to tell next?
PS. I’m enjoying both of these books. The 1988 book is a little harder to find. I recommend a used book store. Do not fall for ads where people try to sell you one for exorbitant amounts of money. I recently purchased a paperback for about $5.99 (USD.)
¹ Elizabeth Stone, Black Sheep and Kissing Cousins: How Our Family Stories Shape Us (New York: Times Books, 1988), 5.
² Elaine Reese, Tell Me a Story: Sharing Stories to Enrich Your Child's World (New York: Oxford University Press, 2013), VIII.